


Saccharine Toxicity

by flordemens



Category: GOT7, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, Family Issues, References to Drugs, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:12:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flordemens/pseuds/flordemens
Summary: Love just wasn't in the cards for someone like Moon Jisoo.She despised every aspect of it.Jisoo just wanted to forget everything that reminded her of how fickle and stupid love was.But as they always say,be careful what you wish for.





	1. Down

_“You know exactly why. Because of your father.”_

“Hey. Hey! Rise and shine sleepy head!” She heard a certain someone say as they smacked her in the back of her head.

She groaned out profanities with her face still plastered on the wooden desk, honestly peeved that they had woken her up from her nap. “Why couldn’t you have left me alone, Jihye?”

“Because it’s too early in the year for you to have senioritis, Moon Jisoo,” Jihye said with honest concern dripping from her voice. Jisoo sat up and examined the sight in front of her with a sigh.

“Yeah? And it’s too early for me to be seeing that in front of my face,” Jisoo retorted, pointing straight at Jihye and her boyfriends interlocked hands. “It’s 8 am for crying out loud.”

Jihye sniggered and pulled their hands up to her mouth, giving their hands a peck as she told Jisoo, “You’re just going to have to get used to it, my dear friend.”

_Get used to it, my ass._

“Just get out of my sight already,” Jisoo muttered toward her best friend as he chuckled. “Fine, fine, we’ll let you rest, lazy ass.”

“You shouldn’t be one to talk, Chae Hyungwon,” Jisoo spoke his full name and watched as his mouth twitched. They never called each other by their full names, ever.

“Goodbye, Moon Jisoo.” He smugly replied, waving his huge hand way too close to her face. Jisoo smacked it away and watched as Jihye dragged Hyungwon to her seat in the front of the classroom.

Jisoo blew her bangs up and out of her face as she observed the two.

Chae Hyungwon had been her best friend since they were seven and they both met Jihye in their freshman year art class. Hyungwon had hit it off with Jihye immediately, while Jisoo had only talked to her because Hyungwon hung around her; way more often than Jisoo had liked. Then this past summer the inevitable happened. He confessed to Jihye his feelings for her.

Now stood the couple Jisoo saw before her eyes.

It hurt.

It hurt more than she thought it would.

Being in love with Hyungwon was something Jisoo knew would be futile, but she fell in love with him nonetheless. He wasn’t the air she needed in order to breathe or anything like that. Jisoo had learned from an early age that love wasn’t that grand of a thing. She had tried so damn hard not to love him because she just knew it would leave her feeling empty.

And empty it left her, every time she saw him with Jihye.

Jisoo had learned though, that some things just couldn't be prevented.

Jisoo suddenly felt something bump into the back of her chair, effectively snapping her out of her creepy staring and turned around to see a broad back inches away from her face.

“So, are you gonna want that DPH I told you about Jackson?” Said a familiar voice.

“Man, are you sure that stuff is even any good? Like I’m not gonna die, right?”

DPH? What the hell was that?

She stared at the person as his back shook in laughter.

“Yeah, it’s the good shit man. So, are you in?”

“I’m in,” Jackson replied quietly without hesitation.

Jisoo watched as the broadly backed person left the classroom and turned toward Jackson with her brows raised.

“Can I help you with something, pretty lady?” Jackson asked, leaning forward on his desk with his elbows and an ear-splitting smile. Was he aware that she had heard everything?

“Call me pretty lady one more time, Jackson. I’d love to see you on your knees,” Jisoo replied with an equally fake smile.

“Hostile as always aren’t we, princess?” Jackson snickered.

“You know it,” Jisoo said as she turned around and took her book out for class; the teacher walking in right at that exact moment.

“Alright class, today we’ll be working with partners to analyze poems.” Jisoo stopped what she was doing as she looked at her teacher in utter horror. “The usual partners, please.”

“Shit,” She mumbled under her breath, sensing that today was just not going to be her day. Groans ensued and Jisoo watched as Hyungwon turned around happily to partner up with Jihye.

“Looks like you don’t get to escape from me that easily, babe,” She heard Jackson whisper behind her.

She fucking _hated_ Literature.

\----------

“Have you heard of that new drug going around?” Jihye asked Hyungwon and Jisoo as they walked home together.

“What new drug?” Jisoo questioned with genuine curiosity.

“I think it’s called DPH or something like that?” Jihye replied as she looked to the sky with a pensive face. “I don’t really know much about it, but everyone keeps talking about it so I thought maybe you guys had heard about it too.”

Before Jisoo could say something she would regret, they arrived at Hyungwon’s house and she breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, I’m going home,” She casually said as she lifted up a peace sign and jogged across the street to the bus stop.

Truth be told, she didn’t care much for Jihye even before she started dating Hyungwon. Jisoo truly didn’t know what Hyungwon saw in her, maybe because she still had feelings for him, but he was happy and she couldn’t bring herself to ruin any of his happiness.

With a huff Jisoo got on the bus and sat at the back, getting comfortable for the hour that she’d be on it. She put in her headphones and leaned her head against the bus window. A nap was needed after having to deal with Jackson Wang for four classes; he was extremely draining to be around.

She closed her eyes and let the music in her ears drift her off to sleep, if only for a little while.

 

_I saw the pink paper plastered on our front door with the word ‘eviction’ typed on it. At the age of fourteen, I knew exactly what that meant._

_“Why?” I mumbled as my mother peeled it off the door, unsurprised anger on her features._

_“You know exactly why. Because of your father,” my mother replied calmly as we entered our home._

_“What did he do this time?” I asked in a panic._

_“Don’t worry about it, sweetie. Just start packing your things up, please. We have to leave as soon as possible.”_

_“I don’t understand what’s happening, ma.”_

_“Neither do I.”_

_I watched as my mother sighed in resignation, the heartache that was constantly at the surface now bubbling over for me to see._

_That weekend, I said goodbye to Hyungwon and the thought that love lasted forever._

 

Jisoo woke with a start when she felt someone touching her shoulder.

“Last stop, girl. Time to get off,” The bus driver said, completely annoyed.

“Shit. Last stop?!” She exclaimed. How long was she asleep for?!

“Yeah, last stop. It’s 11 pm, so get off my bus,” the bus driver grumbled out grumpily as he made his way back to the front.

She jumped up from her seat and quickly made her way out of the bus; her vision adjusting to the darkness of the night.

She looked around and felt her stomach sink. The bus had left her twenty minutes away from her neighborhood, and walking would take her so much longer.

“Damn it, Mom’s going to kill me,” Jisoo whined as she dragged her feet across the sidewalk, wanting this wretched day to just be over and done with.

As if on cue, her phone rang; the caller ID none other than her wonderful mother.

“Hello?” She tentatively answered.

“Where are you?! Do you know what time it is?! I’ve been worried sick!” Her mother yelled as Jisoo held the phone away from her ear in utter horror. She inhaled and prepared herself as she replied, “I’m sorry ma, I fell asleep on the bus and lost track of time. I’ll be home soon, I promise.”

Her mother sighed as she continued, “Text me when you get home, turn off the lights and don’t make too much noise. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” Jisoo felt her stomach sink further as tired disappointment dripped off the tone in her mother’s voice.

“Alright, bye.”

Jisoo hung up before she could think too much about it, yet she felt the familiar panic climbing up her throat and balled her fists until she felt her nails dig into the flesh of her hands. As she walked she breathed in and out to calm herself.

Distracted and unaware of her surroundings, she felt something hard hit her shoulder.

_What the hell was up with today?_

“Sorry!” She heard a muffled voice yell and turned to look at the stranger to yell at them, only to see them turning around; ready to rush off again, but not before she caught a glimpse of bright white hair.

_What an odd hair color_ , Jisoo thought as she rubbed her sore shoulder. She turned forward and breathed out the rest of her dissipating anger, continuing the walk to her house. Tomorrow would be hell in every sense of the word.

She looked up at the moon that was as white and bright as the strangers’ hair and wondered when life would send her a miracle of her own.


	2. Sun & Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Issues with a touch of sparkly things.

_“Jisoo honey, come here,” I remember my mother calling me with such a sweet voice._

_“Yes, mama?” I replied as I quickly ran over to her, my small feet echoing throughout the spacious house._

_“Do you want to move to a nice new house?” She asked me with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes._

_“No, I like this one mama,” I said with a pout._

_“Really? You don’t want a house with a bigger yard or a bigger room?”_

_I shook my head adamantly side to side._

_“Okay baby,” She said simply as she patted my hair down._

_As a child, I was oblivious to a lot of things, but thinking back now I could have sworn her eyes were watery._

 

Jisoo woke up abruptly with tears soaking her dark brown hair.

She hated those types of dreams. She would go through and analyze memories that she had long ago buried deep within herself. The dreams used to happen occasionally, but now they happened more often and it made her never want to sleep again.

She looked toward her night stand and read the time that brightly shone in large white numbers. “6:23 am,” She whispered and looked up towards her ceiling. Maybe if she got ready for school now and dashed out the front door, she wouldn’t have to deal with her mother. With this in mind, she got up and quickly brushed her teeth and put on her uniform. Just as she was making her way down the stairs, she heard a noise come from behind her.

“Good morning,” her mother’s slightly accented voice filled her ears.

“Crap,” she exhaled and quickly responded, “Good morning, ma,” as she continued her way down the stairs. She crept up to the fridge and stuck her face inside it, hoping it would somehow get her out of what she knew was coming. “Come and sit down. I said we would talk and now we have plenty of time to,” Her mother said in a stern tone. When Jisoo stayed glued to the fridge she heard her mother sigh.

“Moon Jisoo.”

“Yes?” She stuck her head out with her hand still on the refrigerator handle, but saw the frustrated expression on her mother’s face and quickly stopped her antics and sat down.

“Why have you been so distracted lately? Your teachers keep calling me saying you fall asleep and don’t pay attention in class. You don’t try and help me around the house. You’re always coming home late or missing your stops. It’s barely the start of your senior year and you’re already failing classes!”

Jisoo listened to her mother drone on and on of how bad of a daughter she was as she fiddled with her fingers. “You guys just don’t appreciate me. Sometimes, I wish I could leave and never come back. I wonder how you and your father would live then.”

Jisoo looked up, lips set into a hard line as tears threatened to spill from her eyes because of the anger she felt. Her mother had always said various things to her before about them not appreciating her enough, but she had never threatened to leave them. How could she leave her with _him_?

Jisoo inhaled a breath of stabbing pain, her heart feeling heavy in her chest.

How could her mother just blurt that out to her, as if it wouldn’t tear her apart to see her leave?

“I’m going to be late for class,” Jisoo stated as she got up and stormed out of the house, running all the way to her bus stop with tears flowing down her face for the second time that day.

\----------

Jisoo tried to hide her puffy eyes from her nosy classmates by crossing her arms on her desk and burying her face in them. She took calming breaths in order to not cry again, the seriousness of her mother’s words still ringing in her ears. Would she really just leave them; leave her?

Despite their rocky relationship, her mother was all she had.

“Hey, lazy ass!” A familiar voice spoke, happiness evident in their tone of voice.

Jisoo didn’t dare look up.

“Mu?”

Her heart sped up at how softly he said her nickname. He always said it with such care and love.

“What do you want, Hyungwon?” She responded to the nickname Hyungwon had given her when they were kids. He had always made fun of her last name and would make random cow noises whenever she would come over to hang out.

_“You know what? I’ll just call you Mu,” Hyungwon had told her one day as he laughed hysterically at her immediate reaction. “What?! Why?!” She had whined with her brows pinched together in confusion. “Well, if you’re going to call me Mu, I’m calling you turtle!” Jisoo had triumphantly cooed. “Wait, I’m calling you Mu because of MOO…N,” He extended her last name, sounding out the N by itself. “What’s the reason behind yours?!” He had exclaimed, beyond amused._

_“You look like a turtle. Simple as that,” Jisoo had responded smugly. “No, I don’t!” He had shouted in offense. “You totally do,” She had screamed as she backed away from him, laughing uncontrollably. “You’re so dead. You better run, Jisoo!” Hyungwon had pointed a scrawny finger in her direction menacingly. “I thought it was Mu!”_

Jisoo unconsciously smiled at the memory as she heard Hyungwon whisper something to somebody, no doubt Jihye, and heard footsteps walk away.

She mentally prepared herself and slapped a huge smile on her face as she looked up at him. “What’s up?” She asked nonchalantly. Jisoo watched as all the color drained from Hyungwon’s face, his smile falling into a frown. She felt her stomach drop all the way to the floor.

“What’s wrong- your eyes are so red.” He said with frantic eyes scanning every inch of her face. “Jisoo?” Hyungwon bent down and gripped the edge of her desk with his hands, staring her down. Their faces were so close she had to take a breath to stabilize her senses that were running wild. She looked into his lovely brown eyes and felt the world fall away. He was so beautiful it hurt.

“Class, turn your books to page 148,” Their literature teacher Mr. Kim announced as he walked into the class room. She moved to take her book out when she felt Hyungwon’s presence still at her side. She looked over at him, puzzled as to why he wasn’t moving to his own seat.

“Chae Hyungwon, move it along unless you want detention,” Mr. Kim scolded.

“You’re telling me later,” he mumbled out before his tall figure stalked off.

Jisoo itched to spill everything that had been going on with her lately, but since he started dating Jihye they didn’t get to spend that much time together alone. Therefore, she’d suck it up as she often did these days.

“Also, we have a new student joining us today. Class, say hello to Minhyuk,” Mr. Kim announced without an ounce of emotion as he looked off to the side where the door was.

An explosion of loud noise ensued as this Minhyuk walked in, a black mask covering his mouth and a hood covering most of his hair. The little bit of hair that Jisoo could see was as white as snow.

_What an odd hair color_ , she thought. A weird feeling of déjà vu came over her, but she couldn’t figure out why.

“Minhyuk, why don’t you take that empty seat in the front over there so we can get started.” Mr. Kim smiled at Minhyuk and returned to his desk.

The people around her were already gossiping about the new student. She ignored the noisiness of the classroom and turned to the right page in her literature book. She didn’t care about the new kid or what he was like. She didn’t care much for anybody in general.

“The new kid looks like a total loser, doesn’t he, Jisoo?” Jackson said as he cackled behind her. Jisoo didn’t find it amusing in the least. “Can’t be much more of a loser than you now, can he?” She replied with a sigh. “Hey! No need to be rude so early in the day, princess. Lighten up.”

Jisoo really fucking hated literature.

\----------

Lunch time came around and she stretched out comfortably in the school garden. Ever since Hyungwon had started dating Jihye, she decided to start eating lunch by herself. Hyungwon had often asked her to eat with them again, but Jisoo just didn’t feel comfortable being the obvious third wheel. She preferred the time with herself, which she rather enjoyed.

She made her way to her favorite tree and sat down under it, basking in the pleasant weather that the day brought. Sunshine and a bit of cool wind were her favorite.

Jisoo looked over to her right and watched as the new kid she had for literature strolled into the garden, sitting down on a bench a few feet away. She wondered why he still had that mask on for. It’s not like she’d ask him though, she wasn’t any good at making new friends, nor keeping them.

As she was about to eat the sandwich she had quickly scooped up from the cafeteria, the new kid took out something from his backpack that caught her eye. Jisoo squinted as he held them out in the palms of his hands like they were precious, carefully examining them himself. In his hands were small vials filled with pink liquid; a dazzling shade of magenta. Jisoo counted five vials and thought why he would need so much of it. Maybe they were for show and didn’t really do anything at all or maybe he sold them to girls who thought the color was pretty.

She returned her attention back to her sandwich and ate it happily. Fresh air and nature would always make her mood better on shitty days.

She breathed in a lungful of air and breathed it out just as she took a glance at the new kid again, but this time he was staring straight back at her with piercing eyes. Jisoo choked on her sandwich and gasped for air as she searched for the water that was in her backpack. Once she got ahold of the water, she gulped all of it down and breathed in relief.

Knowing that she had just thoroughly embarrassed herself, she looked up to see if the new kid had seen any of it only to find the bench where he had been sitting empty.

“Hmm…. I guess that’s better for me,” She said to herself with a small smile.

\----------

It was finally her last period of the day and Jisoo was ecstatic. She loved art. She could draw something for hours and get lost in it.

Today they were assigned by Mrs. Jung to go outside and sketch. She observed as the people in her class bunched up into small groups and left the classroom together. Jisoo was never bothered by not having any friend’s other than Hyungwon, but she supposed other people would find that strange.

She walked down the hall and decided that she should sketch her favorite tree in the garden. As she made a left towards her destination, she encountered Jackson, but he wasn’t alone. He was with the guy with the broad back, that she now remembered was named Dongwoo, and the new kid, Minhyuk. Did that Minhyuk guy already make friends?

She observed as the new kid handed Dongwoo money in a weird way, almost like it was supposed to be discreet. She walked past them with an odd feeling that she shouldn’t have seen what she just did.

Jisoo walked faster as she made her way to the garden and arrived to find it completely empty. “Perfect,” Jisoo said out loud as she skipped over to the bench that was across the tree.

As she drew her favorite tree, she felt the happiness surge through her veins and spill onto the paper. She sketched the curve of its roots, captured how the branches tangled up into one another and lightly added in some leaves here and there. She noticed how the patches of grass around it were uneven and flattened, mostly because she and a select few other students sat there often. Just as she was about to draw the flower bed behind the tree, she heard the school bell ring, signaling the end of the school day.

Jisoo puffed out her cheeks and analyzed her sketch, satisfied with the result for now. She turned to put her sketchbook inside her backpack when something shiny under the bench caught her eye. She let go of her sketchbook and knelt down to see a small object reflecting in the sun. Jisoo reached out with one arm and grabbed ahold of the object, realizing immediately by how it felt that it was glass.

She sat back down on the bench with her backpack half open and spilling out, entranced by what she had found. She rolled it in between her thumb and index finger and watched as the pink liquid danced in the sunlight. Jisoo stopped rolling it as she spotted a crack that ran the entirety of one side of the vial, only deep enough for the liquid not to spill out.

“That Minhyuk guy must have dropped it when he left earlier,” She furrowed her brows in concentration, not knowing what to do with it. She didn’t know Minhyuk well enough, but maybe she should give it back to him? But what if he said that it was her fault the vial was damaged?

Jisoo sighed and put it in the small pocket of her backpack and ran out of garden before she was late for her bus yet again.

\----------

Jisoo grabbed the lanyard filled with keys she had put around her neck and picked out a large one with a skull on it, opening the front door to her house. Her mother had given it to her as a present when they had moved, saying that this would be their permanent home now. She was holding onto the little bit of broken hope she had that it’d be true.

She walked in and locked the door behind her and felt her body run cold. Her mother was at the kitchen island, staring down at a paper with tears in her eyes.

Jisoo could have been her usual cowardly self and ran up the stairs and avoided the problem, but she knew that her parent’s problems were never just theirs. She was _always_ caught in the middle of it all.

“What is it?” Her voice cracked as she moved forward towards the island.

“Your _father_ hasn’t been paying the house, again.” Her mother spit out the word father with so much venom Jisoo flinched before she could process what had just been said to her.

“Wait, what?” Her voice went up an octave in disbelief.

He couldn’t have.

He wouldn’t betray them for the millionth time, not when he apologized so much for fucking up so many times in the past.

“What do you mean he hasn’t been paying it?” Jisoo felt all the energy from her body drain out all at once. “This bill says he owes over nine thousand dollars to the mortgage company,” Her mother replied in a strained voice, on the verge of a breakdown.

How could a grown man act like such a child? He wanted a wife and a kid and yet he couldn’t get his shit together?

Although, Jisoo should have known better by now. She should have seen it coming from a mile away.

As much as her father repeated time and time again how much he loved them, it was like word vomit. He was a pathological liar. He didn’t give two shits about them, all he cared about was himself.

Jisoo had been convinced a long time ago that her father had never loved her. He hadn’t loved her when he stopped paying everything each time and he hadn’t loved her when he had abandoned them both.

“I’m tired of this shit,” Her mother began. She looked at her mother and felt nothing but rage. How could she have stayed with this man for so long, knowing he never treated her right?

Last year, her mother had called Jisoo into her room to tell her that she wanted a divorce. Jisoo felt her already shattered heart break into one more piece, but told her mother that she would support her no matter what. She wanted her mother to be happy.

But nothing ever happened and she was so damn tired of it all, too.

“I’ll be home later. Don’t wait up,” Jisoo announced and walked out of the house, this time her face dry. Not a single tear ran down her face as she walked away aimlessly.

The only thing she wished for at this point was for something to take the heartache away. To collect all of her emotions and yank them out of her.

Maybe then, she could live life completely happy.


	3. Sleeping Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dangerous sparkly things are enticing

“Jesus, Jisoo. You look terrible,” Jihye exclaimed in shock the next morning.

If she could strangle Jihye for being an insensitive fuck, she would have. Hyungwon was the only thing preventing her from lunging at her and throttling her senseless.

“Hey babe, why don’t you go ahead? I have to talk to Jisoo about something,” He calmly told her, but Jisoo could find the subtlest hint of annoyance in his tone.

Had she mentioned that she loved Hyungwon? Because she totally loved him to pieces.

Jisoo watched as confusion washed over Jihye’s face before she nodded her head and made her way to her own seat.

“What’s the conversation topic about today, turtle?” Jisoo smiled up at him with as much happiness as she could muster, which wasn’t much, but she was hoping he was so blinded by love that he wouldn’t notice. “You.” He looked at her with nothing but worry in his eyes. “What’s going on with you? You look like hell, yet again.”

Jisoo tried to force back the happenings of yesterday from her mind and stay present.

“Yeah? Well, I feel like it,” She retorted as her smile faded. There was no point in lying to him, Hyungwon would see right through it.

She looked to the side and observed as the new kid, Minhyuk, strolled into the classroom. He had the same hoodie on, but a different mask today. This time his mask had the shape of a bear’s face on it.

_Well, that’s adorable_ Jisoo thought.

Hyungwon huffed, “Is it your parents again?”

Jisoo gave him a knowing glance and looked back at Minhyuk, only to be startled by his once again piercing gaze. She flinched and looked back quickly towards Hyungwon who bent down to her level. “Do you want to come over this weekend? Have a sleepover? It’ll be just the two of us, just like old times. You can tell me all about it.”

Jisoo felt her heart speed up at the sudden proximity and the promise of good times. “Yeah, sure,” She replied while nodding.

“Okay, deal.” Hyungwon blinded her with his radiant smile as he got up and left.

Jisoo sighed into her hands. She missed him so much. Missed being in his presence all the time, missed his melodious laugh flowing through her ears. She took her gaze over to Jihye who was laughing at something Hyungwon had just told her and felt her heart clench.

She must be some sort of masochist at this point, with all the staring she did. It only did her harm.

Jisoo cleared her throat and got out her literature book, hoping that at least for today she’d be spared of having to deal with Jackson Wang.

\----------

How very wrong she was.

“Hey. Hey. HEY! Princess!”

Fourth-period physical education today consisted of doing whatever the students wanted.

Therefore, Jisoo had chosen to walk around the school’s track, alone. She had been successful for all of five minutes until Jackson had spotted her across the field. He had run over to her like a bolt of lightning.

“What’s up?” She asked him nonchalantly. Jisoo didn’t even have the energy to be annoyed at him today. “Nothing much,” He walked in stride with her as he continued, “I’m just doing my buddies a favor and asking everybody I know if they want some DPH.”

DPH?

She’d heard him talk about it before, but he didn’t know that.

Jisoo remained silent as she walked. She didn’t quite know what to respond.

“So, do you want some, princess?” Jackson asked with his signature smirk. Jisoo had often thought that he’d always meant for it to look sexy, but he honestly just looked like an overly happy squirtle.

“What the hell is DPH? Let’s start there,” She replied as she eyed him with a raised brow. They had walked a whole lap together by now, but Jisoo could have sworn that lap felt like it took ages. “It’s a drug, genius.” Jackson laughed heartily beside her, honestly amused at her cluelessness.

“What, so you’re dealing drugs now, Jackson? Classy.” She smirked at him, amused herself that he had even thought of asking her. “Ah come on now, babe. Live a little,” Jackson egged her on.

“What’s this awesome drug of yours even do?” Jackson looked a bit taken aback by the question. “I need to know what the products all about before I even consider buying it,” She stated with a giggle. If she was honest with herself, Jackson wasn’t so bad. Although, he could cut the shit with all the pet names. “Well, I’ve only taken it twice, but it really is something else.” He whistled out, “It’s like it shuts off all your emotions, man. It makes you feel so lightweight, you know? Like nothing matters and nothing can hurt you.”

Jisoo stopped dead in her tracks and looked at him in awe. Had he read her mind these past few days?

“S-Side effects?” She stuttered out. The fact that she was willingly and honestly considering his offer frightened her. “None that I know of. It doesn’t make you look or act like a damn druggie, that’s for sure. I know a guy who’s been using it for quite some time now and he’s fine.” Jackson shrugged and pulled out a vial from his sweatpants. “Just one little vial and you’re good to go.”

He held it up to her face quickly and then closed his hand around it. “So, you in? You can have this one.” Jackson opened his palm out to her, now a bit hidden by the sleeve of his sweater. Jisoo felt a cold sweat come over her, goosebumps forming upon her skin.

The small vial Jackson held out towards Jisoo was shining in the winter sun, a dazzling magenta staring back at her. The realization of what she had found yesterday hit her like a ton of bricks. “I- Uhm…Can I think about it, Jackson?” Her voice shook from the sudden revelation and she didn’t know how to calm herself down.

“Yeah, sure, but are you okay? You look kind of pale.” Jackson eyed her weirdly as she nodded her head that yes, she was fine. “Alright. Well, you know where to find me, princess.” He winked and ran off swiftly to find his next customer.

\----------

As soon as Jisoo was done changing from her p.e. clothes, she quickly stuffed them into her locker and took out her backpack, opening the small pocket where she had left the small vial. She looked around to make sure no one in the locker room was around and put the vial in the palm of her hand, shielding it with her backpack just in case.

The magenta nearly sparkled in her hand and she gulped at the sight. Why did Minhyuk have so many of these vials? Did he know that he had drugs in his possession?

The memory of Minhyuk giving Dongwoo money flashed in her mind.

Jisoo stuffed the vial back into the small pocket and looked straight ahead, unbelieving of the information she had just found out. Could that tiny vial really take away all her pain?

No, no, what was she thinking?! She couldn’t possibly even contemplate taking it, it wasn’t even hers. She had to return it to Minhyuk, for it seemed to her that this DPH was _not_ cheap.

She ran a hand through her hair and walked out of the locker room, towards the school garden, hoping to find Minhyuk there.

\----------

For the rest of the day, she couldn’t find any trace of Minhyuk. Jisoo only had him for first-period literature, so she didn’t really know where to even begin looking for him. “This is ridiculous,” She whispered as she looked around yet another hallway. “I’ll just give it to him tomorrow.”

Jisoo made her way out to the school entrance and looked at all the groups of friends who were chatting away, like normal teenagers. With a slight pout from failing her mission, she did her best to weave through the groups until she stumbled over a crack in the pavement, nearly smacking into the floor, but regaining her balance just in time. She got up with the last of her dignity, only to see a bear mask staring her right in the face.

_Oh, but isn’t the bear mask…._

She looked up and saw Minhyuk’s piercing eyes staring her down. She gulped, her heart thrumming in her ears painfully from the sudden situation. Why did he stare at her like that all the time? It couldn’t just be her though, right? Maybe that was just how his face was; a resting bitch face.

Before Jisoo’s brain could even catch up, she blurted out, “I’m sorry. I-I must be in your way. Here let me-” She made a move to get out of his way when he suddenly grabbed her by the arm.

She looked over at him in confusion more than anything, her eyes wide and searching his. Minhyuk’s eyes though, softened a fraction as he spoke to her for the first time. “Are you okay? I saw you trip.” His husky voice held sincerity and it surprised her. What surprised her furthermore was his actual voice. She hadn’t ever thought of what it would sound like, but she was still astonished by the sound of it.

“Oh… Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.” Jisoo shifted on her feet awkwardly as he spoke again, “You should be more careful.” He gently let go of her arm and stalked off towards a group that included Jackson and Dongwoo. Just like that, he left her standing there with her mouth agape.

Jisoo hastily snapped out of it and continued her way out of the school grounds and to the bus stop, weirded out by what had just transpired. It wasn’t like she had thought that he was mute or anything. She had just assumed he wasn’t very social, but she had obviously judged him way too soon.

“Wait!” She screeched as she put a hand over her mouth. “Minhyuk’s vial, damn it!”

Jisoo ran back the whole block she had just walked, all the way to the school entrance and frantically scanned the people that were still lingering around, finding no Minhyuk in sight.

“God damn it, Moon Jisoo. Why are you such an airhead!” She scolded herself and dropped her shoulders in defeat.

She began the journey back to her bus stop yet again and resolved that she’d just give it to him first thing tomorrow morning.

For now, she had a different worry that made her anxiety surface.

\----------

He set his backpack and mask down on the kitchen table and immediately walked over to her room, finding her asleep amidst a pile of scattered papers. She always fell asleep on her desk these days, exhausted from all the work she did in order to forget.

It broke his heart every single time.

He brushed her hair out of her face and watched as her eyelids fluttered open.

“You’re home.” She said softly, a sweet smile spreading across her face. He nodded and returned the smile. “Did you bring it?” She muttered, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Yeah. It’s almost time for your dose, too. Time to get up, come on.” He gently helped her get up from the desk to her bed, putting the covers over her.

“I’ll go get it, okay?”

“Okay. And Minhyuk?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He pursed his lips to prevent them from shaking.

“I love you too.”

\----------

Jisoo walked into the quiet house apprehensively. It was _too_ quiet.

She began to panic, her mind running wild. Her mind settled on the thought that her mother had finally had enough this time and left them for good.

“No, she wouldn’t.” Her body shook as she spoke.

She made a run for it.

Jisoo ran straight up the stairs to her parent’s bedroom and swung the door open, going directly to the dresser where her mother’s clothes usually were. She opened a drawer and saw it still filled with clothes and opened the rest just to make sure.

All of her clothes were still there, nothing out of place or moved.

She took calming breaths as she walked out of the room, holding onto the wall. As much as she had tried, she couldn’t keep it together anymore. She slid down the wall she was using for balance and broke down. Jisoo felt like she’d go completely insane if this continued the way it was.

\----------

_“I awoke, only to find my lungs empty_  
And through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing  
And now my dreams, are nothing like they were meant to be  
And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down” 

Dallas Green’s lovely voice filled Jisoo’s ears as she cooked her favorite spaghetti. She was starving and music always kept her motivated to not sulk in her room all day. Putting a lid on the nearly done food, she hopped onto a stool from the island and observed her father casually lounging on the couch, watching TV. Just then, the front door burst open and her mother walked in carrying grocery bags.

As if it were a reflex, Jisoo immediately went outside to gather the rest of them and closed the trunk. It was only when she came back inside that she noticed the mood her mother was in.

_“I've become, a simple souvenir of someone's kill  
Like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill”_

She eyed the way her mother turned around in boiling anger, a vein on the side of her temple making itself known, and utter something toward her father. Jisoo couldn’t quite hear what she had said because of her headphones.

_“Madness fills my heart and soul as if the  
Great divide could swallow me whole, oh how I'm breaking down”_

Jisoo should have known better than to take them out of her ears. She didn’t even really know why she did.

“-tired of this shit. I want a divorce!”

Jisoo winced, suddenly smelling her spaghetti burning and moved to turn it off, gripping the counter next to the stove as she closed her eyes. “You’re not going to say anything?! I said I want a divorce,” Her mother continued.

“Go ahead,” Was what she heard her father retort, no amount of emotion present in his tone. Jisoo turned around and saw her father as calm as ever, eyes still glued to the television.

“You don’t care about anything do you?” Her mother spoke more coldly now, “Not even about your daughter.”

Jisoo didn’t want to hear the reply to that. It wasn’t like she didn’t know the answer to it already, anyway. She felt her stomach twist into a painful knot and turned around quietly to walk quickly up the stairs before he could say another word.

As she closed the door to her room, Jisoo put in her headphones again and replayed the song she had been listening to earlier. She stared intently at the screen of her phone, watching as droplets of tears dripped from her face to the screen, blurring the titles and album art.

Until now, she hadn’t felt the urge to talk to Hyungwon. She had kept her distance to let him enjoy his time with Jihye without any interruptions from her, but damn, did she really need him now. She needed his reassurances that everything would be alright and that if anything, she could always stay with him. Jisoo knew she could never actually move into his house, but the thought always brought a smile to her face.

She brought up his name and texted him a quick message saying that she needed to talk to him urgently.

_“Someone come and, someone come and save my life  
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead but now it's like the night is taking sides”_

He usually texted her back immediately if she said it was urgent, but he didn’t this time. She also knew he could be busy doing different things and it wasn’t fair for her to be so dependent on him. So, instead, she curled up into a ball on her bed as she heard a door slam across the hallway.

 

_“Do you remember when we moved from the house we had when you were five?” Her mother asked her. “Mmm…. No, not really.” Jisoo replied, wondering where this sudden conversation was going._

_“I never told you why we had to move from that one, but you can guess. Your father hadn’t paid the house. What was worse was that I didn’t find out until some officers came banging on our door, telling me that we had to vacate the premises within the next 24 hours.” She looked toward Jisoo with nothing but years of disappointment in her eyes. “I called your father repeatedly, wondering where he was and why he wasn’t picking up any of my calls.”_

_Jisoo sat in silence, the information feeling like a hammer repeatedly slamming into her heart, trying to break it into small pieces._

_“He never answered and he never showed up to help us move. I had to call some friends to help us as you played around the slowly emptying house.” A small tear ran down her mother’s cheek.  
“He… never showed up?” Jisoo asked with utter sadness evident in her tone._

_“Except for the house that was close to Hyungwon, your father never showed up once when he had messed up. I always had to pick up the pieces and figure out where we’d go next. He never helped with anything.”_

_He had abandoned them both. As if they were something you could discard the moment you didn’t want them, like they never fucking mattered, not even once._

_And there it had been, the final blow. The permanent scars that she had accumulated in her seventeen years of life could never have been more painful than this. She felt the hammer slam against her heart one last time, effectively breaking her heart._

 

The memory made her feel like she was choking on air.

She felt the stain of tears now on her pillow, but, _god_ , was she tired of crying and feeling so shitty every day. Jisoo tried to contain her sobs, but it only made things worse and she felt herself losing control.

When would it be enough suffering, until she could finally be happy?

With a shaking hand, she looked at her screen again, only to find no calls or texts from Hyungwon yet. She tried to calm down even the slightest bit as she pressed the call button, the phone ringing in her ears droning on until it went to his voicemail.

She hung up and threw the phone onto her bed, watching as it bounced all the way to her backpack.

If anything, she was angry and tired of herself. Why did she need to feel everything so deeply? Why couldn’t she understand that Hyungwon loved someone else and move on? That her parents weren’t meant for each other and that her father was a fucking asshole, who didn’t deserve the women he had in his life.

Why couldn’t she swallow that information down and move on with her life? Instead, she repeated painful memories in her head and hated herself for being so sensitive.

Jisoo looked in the direction of her phone again, when a thought came to her mind; a nagging voice telling her that she still had Minhyuk’s DPH.

She reached out for her backpack and slowly opened the small pocket, revealing the stunning magenta liquid.

She was so damn tired of her emotions, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t hers, she kept repeating to herself. It wasn’t hers to be contemplating to use, but it was so tempting, so damn tempting.

Her phone suddenly vibrated, a text from Hyungwon displaying on it.

**Turtle**

He said he's busy and to just tell him tomorrow.

Hope you're okay!

\- Jihye

**7:53 pm**

She felt the blood in her veins run cold as she read it. Jisoo refused to believe that Hyungwon didn’t care about her as much as he used to. Just the thought made her want to puke.

The tears stopped steadily and she felt numb, but not nearly numb enough.

Jisoo picked up the vial and held it with her thumb and index finger, staring at it in wonder.

If just this once, she was selfish, would she be penalized?

Then again, she decided she didn’t care anymore.

_**“And all the worries that occupy the back of my mind”** _

“I’m so sorry, Minhyuk,” she whispered as she popped off the top and drank the pink liquid.

**_“Could it be, this misery will suffice”_ **


	4. I Wanna Be Sedated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indeed, some trippy shit.

He watched as all his classmates piled into his literature classroom; giggling, play fighting and flirting with each other. He rolled his eyes and adjusted his black mask that was somewhat tickling his nose.

Minhyuk was absurdly early today and already longed for the school day to be over.

“Where’s Jisoo?” He suddenly heard the tall lanky boy that sat next to him ask what Minhyuk assumed, to be his girlfriend. They were holding hands after all.

“That’s strange, she’s usually here before us every day,” He overheard the lanky boy’s girlfriend say. She moved to sit behind her boyfriend, evidently unbothered by the absence of this Jisoo.

Minhyuk smirked as he crossed his arms over his desk and put his head down. People were always interesting to observe, for the sole fact that they were never who they seemed to be.

“I should text her. Maybe she’s sick?” The lanky boy said, seemingly struggling within himself. Was it that hard for him to send said Jisoo a simple text? What was stopping him?

“You know, you worry too much. I’m sure she’s fine and even if she’s sick, Jisoo’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself,” His girlfriend stated, her tone light and airy. “Leave her alone for now, okay babe? If anything, she’s probably just running late.” Her voice went up an octave in mock positivity.

“You’re right. I should at least see if she comes to school first or not.” He smiled at her and lightly kissed her on the nose.

Minhyuk squinted at them from where he sat, truly amazed that the boy couldn’t see through his girlfriend’s façade.

“People, settle down and take your seats. I’m going to be handing out a worksheet that you’ll work on for the rest of the period.” Mr. Kim walked in, already giving out instructions as he always did.

Minhyuk found it fascinating that he wasted no time and got straight to business as soon as he arrived. He was easily his favorite teacher by far.

Minhyuk looked to the overly attached couple and saw the lanky boy staring off at the side of the classroom, where an empty seat was.

He suddenly realized who they had been talking about, finding it odd that he hadn’t put the pieces together before.

_“I’m sorry. I-I must be in your way. Here let me-”_

He remembered how her arm had felt under his hand. She had been so warm, it had caught him completely off guard. Minhyuk had honestly contemplated whether she was running a fever or not, searching her face that had gone a bit pale, but quickly decided it was none of his business anyway.

So… her name was Jisoo.

\----------

Jisoo woke up with her head pounding, feeling like her brain was ready to jump out of her skull.

Despite that, the rest of her body felt oddly relaxed, especially since she couldn’t remember a trace of her having any type of dream or nightmare.

She massaged her temples as she looked over at her digital clock for the time. It read 9:03 am.

Her eyes nearly bulged out of her their sockets as she sat up way too fast, feeling the room spin around her. She was so late for school. She had already missed literature and she would definitely miss second-period environmental science and third-period trigonometry because of the bus ride.

Jisoo got up slowly, using anything she could find in close proximity for support. Why did she feel so horrible physically? She decided to shower and get dressed, not bothering with her hair. The shower had helped peel some of the fog she felt along with the headache, but it was still there pounding at the back of her skull relentlessly.

She chose to eat cereal for breakfast and sat down once she had served herself, but in the middle of eating, Jisoo looked down at her cereal and watched as the milk slowly turned into white-bright pink flowers. She cocked her head to the side, waiting to feel some sort of confusion, only to come up empty.

Jisoo shook her head, which was a terribly bad idea and just took her pain pills instead. She assumed that her mother was still at the gym, hence why she wasn’t rudely awoken and yelled at. “I’d better get out of here before she finds out.” She walked as fast as she could to the sink and placed the bowl down.

Although Jisoo felt like she _should_ feel worried about her mother, she didn’t. She felt serene. Leaving so she wouldn’t get yelled at was more of a reflex out of the fear she usually felt.

“Well, I’ll be damned, did the DPH actually work?” Jisoo felt herself smile but didn’t feel the warmth that came along with it; which should have unnerved her also, but it didn’t.

For the first time in what seemed like years, Jisoo walked to the bus stop without a hint of worry or anxiety.

\----------

She arrived at school around lunch time, her headache subsiding in very slow increments.

After begging Ms. Kang from the school office to just give her the strike and not call her mother, she felt strange. She supposed normally she would be exhausted, but it was like her nervous system and her brain were shot, completely out of sync with each other.

She honestly felt nothing.

The bell rang and Jisoo got up to go to what was left of her day when she saw Minhyuk standing in front of her yet again.

Jisoo went to step forward, intending to go to her fifth-period Spanish class, when he came right up to her and stared her down. Had he figured out that she had his vial?

He slowly reached out his right hand and she watched as it sunk into her chest. Jisoo stared as Minhyuk’s hand sunk further in and pulled out something, holding it delicately in the palm of his hand. She glanced back down at her chest, her uniform now soaked in a black gunk she couldn’t recognize.

“You should take better care of it, you know,” Minhyuk spoke as she raised her eyes to look at what he was holding on to. Jisoo sensed that her eyes had gone wide in surprise, but didn’t feel surprised in the least.

There in his hand, laid her heart, dripping black sludge all over his hand and down onto the pavement. It was pumping the sludge rapidly, making a messy puddle, as if it had no blood to pump.

It should have freaked her out beyond belief, but she couldn’t feel a thing. For once she wished she could, because what was happening couldn’t be real.

Nevertheless, Minhyuk stood there with her heart still in his hand. Jisoo felt her stomach lurch and put a hand over her mouth, but it was no use. She could only gawk at the sludge-like liquid coming out of her mouth as she heaved and fell to the floor, her hands and knees now covered in it. The panic that wouldn’t come was enough for her let out a scream instead. She didn’t know what was happening and couldn’t even deal with it in any way.

Trembling, she tried to crawl to the closest wall and used it to hoist herself up as much as she could. Jisoo didn’t trust herself to walk any further and decided it was better to just stand there. She looked over to where Minhyuk was meant to be standing, heart in hand, only to find nothing.

There was no Minhyuk, no heart, and no sludge puddles.

“What the fuck,” Jisoo cursed out as her chest heaved, her shirt also no longer stained.

\----------

Minhyuk had his headphones in as the bell rang and sat up from his usual corner in the cafeteria. He was the new kid and even though he didn’t mind socializing with people, the only people he had made ‘friends’ with were drug dealers. He didn’t want to keep them so close to him. He lazily picked up his backpack and started making his way to his fifth-period art class.

Everyone was still talking amongst themselves as he opened the door to the cafeteria; he was one of the few students that were always early to his art class.

He took a quick glance at the school garden and at the huge tree, where he had seen Jisoo for the first time. He wondered what had happened to her since this morning.

Just as he passed the grand entrance of the garden, he felt the hair on his skin stand up on end. Minhyuk pouted slightly as he turned back around and felt his jaw slacken upon the sight in front of him.

There stood Jisoo, _the_ Jisoo from the conversation this morning, shaking and sweating uncontrollably as she held onto the garden entrance wall.

Minhyuk immediately knew he couldn’t just leave her there. So, before anyone else could see her, he swiftly made his way over to her, covering her just enough to hide her shaking frame. “Hey,” He said gently, making sure not to scare her as he put away his headphones.

The moment Jisoo looked up into his eyes, dread filled his veins. Her eyes were so dilated, her pupil's giant saucers that eclipsed her irises almost completely. “It’s you again,” she muttered with what seemed like fear and backed away from him, still using the wall for balance. He frowned at her reaction. Had she seen him today without him noticing?

“I…” He exhaled and watched as she flinched away from him yet again. “Let’s just calm down,” he said as he put his hands in the air, signaling he meant her no harm.

“I am calm,” She retorted with more vigor, “I can’t feel shit.”

What he had suspected to be a DPH overdose, was confirmed as he saw her grip on the wall weaken, until she slid to the ground in a heap. “I can’t feel anything,” She repeated, tears in her eyes this time.

“Let’s get you to a quieter place, yeah?” He kneeled down and put her arm around his shoulder and neck, grabbing her by the waist. If he carried her, the students would definitely know something was up. He couldn’t have the school finding out and he assumed she didn’t want that either. “You gotta help me out, okay? Keep your head up for me.”

“O… Okay,” She breathily mumbled out, doing her best not to let the fatigue consume her. Minhyuk just hoped that the students that were walking by wouldn’t look their away. He decided it was best to get Jisoo to the tree in the garden. If he could get her there, they’d have the perfect cover. No one would be able to see them.

Internally, Minhyuk was panicking; his mind sending him alert signals that what was happening right at this moment was his greatest fear come to life, but he couldn’t let it show. He needed to keep it together, just as he was used to.

“That’s it, just keep trying to walk normally.” He cooed as he tightened his grip on her waist. She was losing consciousness, nearly passing out by the time they had made it behind the huge tree. Jisoo fell slack in his arms as he tried his best to slowly sit down with her against the tree trunk.

Minhyuk carefully laid her down, his shaking hands placing her head on his thigh. He rapidly checked for her pulse, her neck soaked in sweat as he pressed his fingers to her skin. Her heart was beating slowly, but it was a good sign that it was still beating at all.

From all the overdose stories he had heard, he had never heard of one making it out unscathed. They all either instantly slipped into a coma or ended up in mental institutions, stuck in a permanent state of hallucination until they eventually died.

Of course, the doctors never knew what had caused all of it. DPH was so new and undetectable, that the deaths left everyone with a million questions.

Minhyuk breathed out a sigh of relief and ran both his hands through his hair and gripped it, trying his best not to hyperventilate at the situation in front of him. He had feared something like this would happen to _her_ every day, often having nightmares that would leave him wanting to never close his eyes again.

He looked up to the cloudless sky as he wiped his sweat with the sleeve of his knitted sweater, finding it too hot at the moment to keep his mask on. After much thought and many efforts to calm himself down, he finally took his gaze down to Jisoo and out of reflex, brushed the hair out of her face with feather light fingers.

“What would make you want to overdose?” He kept brushing her hair back while in thought, until he’d ultimately realized what he’d been doing. “Shit, it’s become such a bad habit,” Minhyuk whispered to himself as he bit his lip.

He decided he should stay alert in case anything happened and just wished that Jisoo would actually wake up. Minhyuk was sure that if anything did happen to her, the lanky boy in their literature class would be devastated.

\----------

Jisoo awoke to the sun shining brightly through the gaps in the leaves of what she soon recognized as her favorite tree. Her body felt immensely comfortable in its position under the tree, the scent of grass mixed with citrus filling her nostrils. She continuously blinked to get the sleep out of her eyes and suddenly wished she could stay like this forever. In that moment, she felt safe.

Could it be that she was still asleep?

She stretched her arms out, her left one hitting something fluffy and soft, which perplexed her until she craned her neck to see someone speaking to her. “Ouch! That hurt you know!” The person pouted as they rubbed their lower stomach.

Her eyes grew wide as she quickly realized she was laying on top of Minhyuk, his thigh supporting her head. She’d recognize that white hair anywhere. “O-Oh, oh my _god_ ,” She screeched as she swiftly got up and backed away from him.

How did this even happen?! Had she done something with him while she was under the influence?! Or had she thoroughly embarrassed herself somehow?!

“What’s wrong? As I recall it, you’re the one who hit me. I think I deserve an apology,” He stared up at her with innocent eyes, the ends of his words cracking pleasantly once again. Jisoo would be lying if she thought his voice wasn’t at least vaguely intriguing.

It also finally registered to her brain that he wasn’t wearing his mask, and if she was being honest with herself yet again, he was quite gorgeous. He was assuredly a beautiful human being, but that was the last thing she should be thinking of right now.

“Are you scared of me?” He continued, crossing his legs. “No, I’m not,” Jisoo stated without a second of hesitation. “Well, if that’s true, then why were you so scared of me before?” He kept on staring at her, his eyes searching for the answer in hers.

Before?

A memory of her shaking and sweating profusely while backing away from him came to her then.

“Well, it’s just that I- I mean you-” She pointed at him, “You ripped my heart out of my chest and then told me I should take better care of it… and I’m just- I don’t even know what that was about.” She ran a hand through her hair, her eyebrows coming together in confusion.

“I told you that?” He cocked his head to the side, seemingly pensive as he squinted his sharp eyes at her. “Yes, you told me that!” She said a bit exasperatedly. “It was you,” Jisoo breathily trailed off. Minhyuk pulled the sleeves of his knitted sweater down his hands as he replied, “That wasn’t me. You were hallucinating.”

He continued playing with his sleeves as he explained, “Those types of hallucinations will happen when you overdose on DPH, you know.” He looked up from under his lashes at her now with his jaw set, as if with all the power of his eyes he could scold her.

“Overdose! Excuse me?!” She yelled, only to have Minhyuk get up and rapidly put a hand over her mouth with wide eyes. “Calm down, will you?” He whispered, his face so close to hers his breath ghosted over her nose, tickling it slightly.

His hand was as cold as ice and after a few seconds, she gasped from the contact. He withdrew his hand and sat back down. Jisoo huffed as she sat down a few feet across from him, giving him untrusting glares.

“What do you mean, overdose?” She said with a pout, “I thought that with DPH, you just took the whole vial and it counted as a dose.” Minhyuk stared at her, mouth agape, “You-” He paused, “You took a whole vial and survived?!”

They gaped at each other now, both equally perplexed. “I-I m-mean, yeah?! I guess…” Jisoo looked down, suddenly embarrassed, “I was just really desperate and didn’t think things through...” She closed her eyes while reprimanding herself for how much of an idiot she had been. Her first time taking a recreational drug and she _overdosed_.

“You guess?!” Minhyuk whisper yelled, “You could have died! I’m surprised you even woke up! You have no idea how easy it is for someone to slip into a coma on a DPH overdose, or equally, go insane!” Minhyuk pointed an irked finger in her direction, a fiery tinge to his stare.

Everything he had said nearly flew right over her head, because all that was registering in her mind was that he was angry. Why was he so worked up over someone he didn’t know?

Jisoo looked down at the grass, not knowing what to reply and instead plucked pieces out of the ground, glad that her hair could hide her face.

“It’s none of my business what made you take the DPH, but please, just be more careful.” He was looking toward the sky as he said it and Jisoo looked up at the cloudless sky with him, wondering why out of everyone she hallucinated him.

“Why do you care?” Jisoo uttered the words out without meaning to, but couldn’t stop herself from continuing, “Why do you care whether I overdose or not? No offense, but I don’t know you and you don’t know me. Why did you even help me?” By the end of it, Minhyuk had turned to look at her with such surprise that it made her gulp; made her feel like she had kicked an innocent puppy. She instantly regretted her mini rant and really should have just been grateful to him, but it was too late for that now.

“It’s just how I am. I don’t expect you to understand. Anyway, if you’re fine, I really should get going.” As if on cue, the last bell of the day rang through the school and all that they could hear were students excited to finally be free, their voices and footsteps resounding in the halls.

Jisoo stayed silent as he gathered his backpack and got up, ready to walk out from behind the tree when she made a split second decision, which in retrospect, was so impulsive it would plague her for days to come.

“Hey! Wait up!” Jisoo got up from the grass and ran towards him, observing how he turned around in irritated confusion. She braced herself as she ran into him with a bit too much force, feeling how the breath expelled out of his lungs as she hugged him. “What-”

“I’m sorry for being so ungrateful,” Jisoo spoke into the softness of his sweater covering his chest, a faint citrus scent wafting into her nose again. She let go of him, still unaware of how rude it had been of her to touch him without his consent. “I just wanted to thank you properly. So, thank you for helping a total stranger like me.” She gave him a small smile, the next words coming out of her with newfound confidence, “I’d like to return the favor one day.”

“You really don’t owe me anything,” He said blankly, clearly blindsided by Jisoo’s sudden cheerfulness. “Well, I’m here if you need me.” She stuck out her hand to him, bright smile still plastered on her face, “I’m Moon Jisoo.” Minhyuk stared at her hand for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded in the change of personality, but nonetheless took her hand lightly and shook it slowly. “Lee Minhyuk,” He said plainly as he let go.

“Nice to meet you.”

\----------

Minhyuk set the vial down on the nightstand as he watched her settle down into a comfortable position on the bed. She’d be free of the nightmares that plagued her for now.

“Hyukkie, will you stay with me until it kicks in?” She gently whispered, the sleep already setting into her voice. It wouldn’t be long now.

He bit his lip as he often did during this time of day, chewing on it to keep his mind off how he was feeling. “Of course,” He replied softly and climbed onto the bed, putting his hands under his head as he watched her drift off to sleep.

As he laid there, he felt his own eyes slowly close, his breathing soon evening out.

 

_A big bright white room._

_He stood in the middle of it, his eyes wandering around the emptiness; finding nothing but a single painting on one of the four walls._

_He steadily made his way toward it, the mix of pastels blurring his vision a little. He stared and observed the beautiful painting of a breathtaking girl, her hair an orange pastel hue flowing down her shoulders. He bit his lip as he continued to gaze at her, finding her oddly familiar, although he couldn’t quite figure out why because she was looking down._

_The background’s pastel blues calmed him, at least, until he saw the painting swirl in front of his eyes._

_“Ahh!” He squeaked as he jumped away from the painting, the girls gaze set on him now._

_Minhyuk really felt like his eyes would bulge out of his sockets from what they were seeing._

_Moon Jisoo._

_But it couldn’t be?! She didn’t have orange hair._

_He shook his head, hoping it would clear it from the ridiculous conclusions it was making._

_“You know, if I should take better care of my heart, so should you,” She spoke, her eyes scrutinizing his every move._

_“What are you talking about?” A sudden spark of anger rose in him. Jisoo had been right, they didn’t know anything about each other. So, how could she say such a thing to him?_

_“I said I’d return the favor to you someday, right?”_

_This Jisoo sent shivers up his spine. Her stare on him felt like she was boring holes into his skull._

_“I told you that it wasn’t necessary,” He retorted with the exact anger boiling up inside him. “I’ll return the favor to you, but I did not say when, nor did I specify in what form it would be.” She smirked her pastel pink lips at him and he frowned._

_“Being as selfless as you are, it’s a wonder it’s all mangled.”_

_She reached out a hand that he hadn’t seen in the painting before and watched as it stretched itself out until it reached his chest. Without any warning, Jisoo shoved her hand into his chest and he felt a slight tug as she pulled it out within seconds. “What the hell are you doing?!” He screeched as he backed away again, gazing down at the white ooze that was now seeping from his chest and all over his clothes._

_“My dear Minhyuk, you can pretend that you are not, but we are all damaged in this world. Every single one of us. You are no exception.” Jisoo raised the white dripping heart that was in her hands, the sludge pumping from every orifice._

_“You are not the sun.”_

 

Minhyuk woke with a start, cold sweat plastering his white locks to his forehead. He immediately realized he couldn’t quite freak out with her sleeping in the room, he’d probably wake her up with all the fussing he’d be doing.

He quickly slipped out of her bed and made his way to his own bedroom, slightly shaking as he gripped the edge of his bed.

“What the fuck was all of that about?” He laid down, his breathing hard and uneven as he ran over everything that he could remember from the ‘dream.’

He couldn’t understand why he had dreamt of Jisoo specifically, nor why his dream mirrored her hallucination. She hadn’t affected his life in any way to the point where he’d dream about her like that. It just didn’t make any sense.

“You are not the sun,” He repeated as he stared at his ceiling with a frown, his brows scrunched together in concentration.

_“Why are you so cute Minhyuk?! You’re too adorable! All the ladies are gonna love you when you get older.” She giggled at him with the widest smile spread across her face._

_“No, I’m not!” Yelled back a twelve-year-old Minhyuk with puffed out cheeks._

_“Yes, you are, my little brother! Your smile is so big and bright, you’re like my own personal sun. You’ll definitely be a lady killer someday!” She grinned as she pinched his cheeks._

The bittersweet memory flitted across his eyelids, a single tear running down his face. “You are not the sun,” He said to himself again with gritted teeth, the weight on his heart dissolving just the tiniest bit.

Who knew that such a simple phrase could bring such relief.


	5. Moon U

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk.... You're losing it.

The following day, Jisoo didn’t show up for literature again.

Minhyuk swallowed down the thickness in his throat, his stomach sinking an inch further each time he turned to glance at her empty seat. He fidgeted in his own, finding it hard to keep still. It was frustrating. He was worrying for nothing. She seemed completely fine when they parted ways - but that didn’t stop his mind from racing.

Everyone’s body processed drugs differently and it had been obvious it was her first time taking any type of drug recreationally. He shook his head vigorously, as if he could eject the thoughts in his brain that way. In reality, it resulted in nothing more than his platinum blonde hair blocking his vision.

“I’m beyond worried, Jihye. I haven’t heard from Jisoo and she’s not the type to stay silent when she’s absent. At least, not with me,” The tall lanky guy that sat next to him whispered toward his girlfriend. Minhyuk slowly and calculatingly moved his hair out of his face.

“Hyungwon, calm down. I’m pretty sure she just came down with something. She’ll be fine.” Minhyuk watched as Jihye continued to assure her Hyungwon, smoothing down his hair where he had previously run his hand through it. Various things didn’t sit right with Minhyuk when it came to that couple. From his observations so far, he gathered that Jihye was obviously manipulative, but Jisoo seemed important to Hyungwon. So, why was this Hyungwon guy such a coward? If he wasn’t going to check on Jisoo, then who was supposed to?

_Again, no_. She had parents and possibly other friends that would surely be concerned about her. It was her fault for not informing herself on what she was taking, anyway.

_It had nothing to do with him_.

He huffed out a frustrated breath and pouted into his mask, choosing to lay his head down on his arms. The worksheet that he had been assigned to do wouldn’t get done in this state of mind anyway.

“I wonder if it’ll really be okay. Jisoo didn’t look so well these past few days. Plus, we were supposed to have a sleepover tomorrow.” Hyungwon avoided eye contact with Jihye as he uttered his last sentence and Minhyuk squinted his eyes in realization. Hyungwon hadn’t told his girlfriend about his plans. _His and Jisoo’s_ plans. “Now, why would that be?” Minhyuk mouthed as he sunk further into his arms, trying his best to seem inconspicuous.

_Coward_.

Jihye in turn, had gone red in the face. Her pale complexion along with her apparent temper left nothing to the imagination. “A sleepover?!” She whisper-yelled at Hyungwon. “Are you forgetting that she’s a female and that we’re currently dating, Hyungwon?” She continued as Hyungwon’s jaw worked, visibly pissed himself. “Yes, actually, because she’s just a _friend_. I don’t think of her that way. I think of her as my best friend and nothing else.”

If either of them went to check on Jisoo, all that Minhyuk could foresee was a disaster. An emotional one that Jisoo didn’t need if she was still suffering from side effects, and if he could prevent it, he was going to.

Minhyuk shot up from his seat in the middle of their lovers spat as Jisoo’s name was thrown every which way. He grabbed his bag and stuffed his worksheet in it before walking out of the classroom. He couldn’t function like this, but it wasn’t rational for him to want to make sure she was okay to this extent either. He knew absolutely nothing about the girl.

Although deep down, he was aware of exactly why he was a nervous wreck about her.

And it made him sick.

\----------

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” The woman behind the computer eyed Minhyuk.

He had taken off his mask and hoodie on the way there, hoping he could be more convincing if he looked less menacing.

“Yeah, but my teacher wanted me to deliver some homework to an absent classmate after school. He said I should come before I forget and that you could give me the address.” Minhyuk gathered all his energy to smile brightly.

It was draining and hurt his cheeks.

“Who’s the student?” Minhyuk looked away from the name placard at the edge of her desk. “Jisoo.”

The woman behind the computer, Miss Kang as Minhyuk had just learned, continued to stare at him blankly. Minhyuk started to feel a cold sweat break out at the back of his neck.

“Last name?” Miss Kang raised an eyebrow, clearly not amused.

_Shit_. He didn’t know her last name!

How incredibly stupid could he get?!

He looked over to the wall at his right, his panicked eyes reflected on the picture frame’s glass across from him. The planets of the milky way galaxy were pictured inside the frame, detailed descriptions of each one included.

_“I’m Moon Jisoo.”_

Ah, right… _Moon_.

It was Moon.

_Her smile and hand, the hug… everything about her had been so bright and warm._

_She was always warm._

“Moon,” He mumbled out, still staring at the picture, not quite sure if what he said was even audible.

“What was that?” Miss Kang said as she now chewed on a piece of gum noisily. He turned to her, snapping out of whatever that had been and replied, “Moon.”

\----------

She lived far.

Much farther than he did from their school and that was saying a lot.

“What a pain,” He said as he got off the bus.

As he looked around him, he began to realize where he was. He had been to this area quite often before, recognizing the convenience store him and his brothers had often frequented. That had been quite a while ago…

As he made his way to her house, he found memories popping up at random. He shook out his head and resorted to staring at the ground, putting his hood on to block his view. He didn’t need reminders of everything that had been good in his life and couldn’t have anymore.

By the time he arrived at her front door step, it was already lunch time and he was starving. He had half a mind to run off and grab something, but he knew he wouldn’t even be able to eat without finding out if she was okay first.

He pushed the doorbell with his index finger and fixed his mask. She lived in a quiet cul-de-sac, unlike the apartments he and his brothers had grown up in. As run down as the area and houses seemed, it gave off an aura of coziness. He missed that about this place.

The seconds seemed to go slowly as no one answered. The ball in his throat was hardly letting him breathe and now his stomach was twisting painfully. Was no one home? Was that it?

He sighed and went for a second attempt, when the door opened, the doorbell’s sound reverberating between them both as they stood there.

There she was in all her glory, clad in pajamas and hair frayed in all directions. Minhyuk didn’t really know what he had expected of Moon Jisoo, but this was hardly it.

“M-Min-” She stuttered before looking down at herself and nearly shutting the door in his face, choosing to only poke out half of her face behind it instead. He stood there visibly surprised, not knowing what to say. His brain hadn’t planned out the possibility of her being okay. He had thought the worst.

“What are you doing here?!” Her voice sounded rough, but he could tell the tone was of complete embarrassment. “How did you get my address?!” Minhyuk flinched a fraction at her shrill voice. It just kept going higher in pitch.

He continued to stand there, hands in the front pocket of his black hoodie as he stared at her. What possible explanation could he give her? The actual reason for coming to see her was selfish and he knew she wouldn’t understand.

“Why didn’t you come to school today?” He blurted, eyes piercing through her own as she peeked around the door, her full face coming into view again.

Now that he had time to take a good look at her, she did look ill. Severe bags under her eyes that looked like bruises, a fresh sweat upon her forehead, eyes still dilated and bloodshot. He felt a familiar itch at the back of his neck, his right-hand twitching inside his hoodie pocket.

He hadn’t been completely wrong.

The weight he had felt earlier grew heavier now, pressing down on his shoulders and threatening to drown him alive.

\----------

“I didn’t go because….”

_I feel like absolute shit._

Jisoo felt a miserable laugh bubble up in her throat. Hyungwon would have said something about her language if she had said that. She looked up at Minhyuk, who was staring at her with an odd expression… Almost as if he were lost.

She didn’t understand anything.

All she understood was that he wasn’t Hyungwon and that meant she didn’t have to hold back to appeal to him.

She steeled herself before replying, knowing full well that this could also be a hallucination. She had been having short bursts of them all morning. It’s like they were almost gone but were clinging to everything they could in order to stay.

“I didn’t go because I feel like shit. If it wasn’t apparent,” She said, opening the door fully again. Her head was throbbing horribly by this point and he had already seen her, so what was the point in hiding?

“Where are your parents?” He asked, squinting at her.

“Can we just… Can you come inside or something? The suns out and it’s too bright.” She backed up to let him in, but he hesitated. She saw him visibly gulp before he rushed in past her.

Real or not, she was too tired to figure him out today.

She slumped down on the couch, curling into a ball and patting the spot next to her lightly.

“My parents won’t be home for a good while, so don’t worry about it,” She said, noticing how weak her voice sounded.

“You’re fine with letting a stranger into your home, without your parents around? Are you nuts?” Minhyuk snapped at her as he sat down, concern evident in his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t as hard to read as she had thought.

“After what you did for me yesterday, I hardly see you as a threat. Plus, I really don’t have the energy for all these questions, so can we just get straight to the point?” She whined, grabbing her temples with her thumb and middle finger.

She felt the couch lift a little and opened her eyes. Minhyuk was gone. She could hear some noises coming from the kitchen, but it was blocked by the wall the couch was against. Jisoo stopped massaging her temples and thought for a minute. What if he really was dangerous? What if he came back with a knife from the kitchen or something?! Her mind began to race as she heard his footsteps coming closer.

He was coming back!

As much as it hurt to move, she scrambled up and pressed herself against the corner of the couch, pillow at the ready to deck him right as he rounded the corner.

Minhyuk appeared and she raised the pillow menacingly, ready to hit her target when he looked up at her and stopped dead in his tracks, a bag full of ice in one of his hands.

She audibly gasped in the silence that ensued.

It had to be the DPH still, right? She wasn’t usually this damn paranoid!

She then watched as Minhyuk backpedaled out of her sight.

Oh god… How could she doubt him like that? After everything he had done and was apparently still willing to do, even though they weren’t remotely close?

Then, she heard it.

A faint giggle. So faint, she swore she was hallucinating. She had to be hallucinating it all, because why would he just _giggle_? But then, the giggle turned into a full-blown laugh.

Jisoo cautiously walked over to where Minhyuk was leaning against the wall, bag of ice in his sweater-pawed hand as his chest heaved and his eyes disappeared.

If this was a hallucination, then she wished she could see his laugh. His _complete_ laughing face.

He rolled his head over to look at her, still giggling as he said, “What was that about?! Your face was priceless!”

It had to be a hallucination. How could someone so guarded let themselves be this way around a stranger?

She reached over to his left ear, brushing his soft skin and strikingly beautiful hair, and pulled the mask string off gently. It fell so quickly that she hadn’t prepared herself for the stunning smile that stared right back at her, before the shock set in.

“What are you doing?” He whispered, his eyes wide and boring into hers. Her parted lips felt like they should be sucking in some type of air to help her breathe, but it felt like nothing was being inhaled into her lungs at all.

“I…”

“H-Here…put this on your head and take these pills. You should feel better by tomorrow, so you better come to school.” He handed her the ice and pills and grabbed his bag up from off the floor.

And then he was out the door.

She was left there with a throbbing headache and a sudden realization of panic that he had been real, and that she had not once, but twice, invaded his personal space.

All she could do was stand there, completely mortified.

\----------

His heart wouldn’t slow down. It was beating so fast against his chest he felt like it might explode.

Why was she so spontaneous? Why couldn’t he calculate what she’d do in order to avoid it? And worst of all, why was she always so inviting and warm?

_And bright just like the moon._

It had to be because he wasn’t used to people touching him anymore. He wasn’t used to receiving affection. He wasn’t used to being close to anyone in any way.

That was on purpose.

And he would keep it that way.

He ran the rest of the way home, hoping that his rapidly beating heart would tire out as soon as he got home.

\----------

The bell rung out, signaling the end of first period. Minhyuk shot up from his seat and stuffed his thick and heavy literature book into his bag, hoping to make a quick escape.

He heard some rather loud footsteps trailing behind him and knew he shouldn’t dare turn around, for fear of who it would be.

“Hey! Wait up!”

He felt his skin crawl at the sound of her voice. The way she had touched him without a single hint of hesitation, the way her careful hand had sent shivers down his spine yesterday… All of it still haunted him. To the point where he couldn’t sleep last night. His heart sped up every time he thought about it, like he was now. He coughed in hopes of slowing it down and found it sort of worked, so he tried it a second time.

It was odd, he thought, how he used to be the affectionate friend. Much like she seemed to be… but things were different now.

“What is it?” He mumbled through his mask as he continued his now unpredictable journey to his second period. _The unpredictability was her._

“I-” She began, catching her breath. “I was wondering if I could talk to you about a few things after school.”

No. _Definitely not_. Things were not about to play out like this. He refused.

“I’m busy,” He retorted, emotionless. It wasn’t a lie, either. He had things to do.

“Really?”

_Whatever you do, don’t look at her_ , he reminded himself.

“Really,” He deadpanned, wishing she’d just leave. As the new student, everyone had treated him like he was some sort of shiny object that they could flock to and gush over. Yet, the rest of them had quickly realized that he wasn’t the type that liked the attention, so, why hadn’t she?

They had arrived at the double doors that led to the boy’s locker room and Minhyuk sighed. People would see them together and it was making him restless. “Is there something else?” He said as he leaned on the wall next to the doors, gripping his backpack strap with more force than necessary.

She inhaled a sharp breath, as if what she was about to say was difficult for her. “It’s just…” She glanced around them before continuing, “You seem to know a lot about DPH and I… want to know more.” The embarrassed blush that crept up her cheeks could be described as adorable, but what made him snigger was the fact that she had whispered DPH.

He suddenly wondered how lanky boy even dealt with her in the first place.

“And I also want to apologize for a few things… So…” She trailed off, her eyes downcast as she fiddled with the straps of her backpack.

Minhyuk looked to the side and could see the mob of people heading for the lockers, which meant he didn’t have much time. He locked eyes with her from his position on the wall before lifting off it and leaning in close to whisper, “Meet me at Tease Café after school.” He left her then, not bothering to look back.

\-----------

“Hey, I can’t come today. Something came up… Sorry.”

“Really?” Hyungwon breathed out, a hint of disappointment in his tone, but more dominant than that was the relief. It sliced right through her and she squeezed her eyes shut at the pain in her chest.

But she knew better. It was apparent that he had fought with Jihye. When she had come to class this morning, they weren’t talking to each other and they hadn’t come in together either. Jisoo had decided not to bring it up.

“Yeah. Raincheck?” She muttered, a loud yawn escaping her at the same time. She heard him chuckle and her heart began to thump at an alarming rate, effectively waking her up from her moment of drowsiness. It was amazing how she could experience pain and excitement all in the span of a few seconds because of him. “You seemed tired today, so I understand. Get some rest, okay Mu?”

“Yeah. Thanks, turtle. Love you.”

Jisoo hung up the phone before the conversation could drag on any longer. She tried to focus on something of more importance than the ache in her lungs.

She was on her way to the café Minhyuk had mentioned. When she had looked it up on her phone, she found out it wasn’t close to school, but closer to her house. Which meant she was currently on a bus to get there. She wondered how Minhyuk was getting there...

Her heart came back to its natural rhythm and she exhaled a sigh of relief.

She didn’t know how much longer she could deal with the constant ache in her heart that came from everyone she loved. Maybe that’s why she wanted to know more about DPH.

Would it be so bad to run away from everything? To not have to deal with all the jumbled emotions that plagued her daily?

Then a thought caressed her mind. A whisper that struck every nerve in her body.

Maybe she just didn’t love herself enough to let go of what harmed her.

\----------

Chin resting on his palm, Minhyuk admired his new bike from the café window. After his last one had been stolen, he hadn’t had the money for a new one.

“So, do you like it?”

Minhyuk looked up at Wonho, a wide smile blinding him in the process. Minhyuk simply nodded and bowed in gratitude. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

“You know you’re like a brother to me. And even though you’ve changed how you are with us, we’re still going to love you all the same, Minhyuk. Don’t forget that.” Wonho kept a slight smile on his lips as he set Minhyuk’s mocha frappuccino down in front of him.

Minhyuk knew that he was hurting everyone that loved him, but he could only hope they would understand that this was something he needed to do to stay sane. And that meant distancing himself from everyone. His brothers. His friends. His family. There was someone who needed him, and he would be there no matter what. He didn’t have time to think of anyone else.

But he was grateful. He also hoped that one day, when and if he’d ever be okay again, that he could repay his brothers for everything.

No, he _definitely_ would.

“Hey! Were you waiting long?”

Minhyuk jumped in his seat, not expecting the sudden loud voice. Jisoo really would be the death of him.

“Jesus, could you be any louder?” He replied, irritated. He looked around the café, observing how all the patrons were distracted by their incredibly handsome waiters, then made his way back to Jisoo.

The flush in her cheeks became an even deeper hue of pink as she tried to regain her regular rhythm of breathing. Minhyuk swallowed hard and reached for his frappuccino. “Did you run here or what?” He said after a sip. She was sitting now, her clothes and hair a disheveled mess.

“Uh, kind of? I ran here as soon as I got off the bus, so…” She said, fidgeting with her fingers.

_Cute?_ Minhyuk thought briefly before snapping out of it just in time. He didn’t have his mask on anymore, not seeing the point with Jisoo, but that also meant his pale complexion was just as vulnerable as that vulture Jihye’s. Embarrassment was an awfully apparent emotion on his face.

“So, what did you want to know?” He gritted out, gripping his chair in hopes of controlling the way his heartbeat was speeding up. He was starting to hate the way Jisoo made him feel. He didn’t need it. All he needed was to just get this over and done with, so he’d never have to speak to her again.

“You don’t have your mask on.” He took his gaze up from where his hand was painfully still gripping his chair to look at her. A gummy smile that felt like a punch in the gut stared right back at him. He slammed his fist on the table and put his head down. “You’re way too shameless…”

“A-Ah, about that…. I’m sorry. I really am. I was just…I thought I was still under the influence a bit. I thought I was hallucinating the whole thing, you know? Because, honestly, it didn’t really make sense! How would you have gotten my address and out of everything just to make sure a stranger like me was okay? To take care of _me_? I just… I’ve never met anyone so kind before. Especially towards someone they don’t know. But that doesn’t make it okay. So, I’m sorry for invading your personal space twice.”

He thought for a moment, taking it all in. It was true that he had minded it, but he wanted to laugh more than anything.

“You…” Minhyuk began as he repositioned his head on the table to look at her, “Really know how to blather on. Did you even breathe during that whole thing?” He hid his soft smile behind his arm.

Jisoo sat there, clearly mortified and stunned. He stayed silent a moment longer before sighing out, “I’ll forgive you if you get to the point of this meeting.”

Regaining her composure, she searched for something in her sweater before extending her hand across the table to where he could see it easily. She opened her hand and in the middle was a tiny vial, the kind used to keep DPH in. “I want to know more about it, like dosing and all the basics. I was hoping you could help me.”

He reached out for the vial, unintentionally brushing against her hand with his fingertips. She flinched at the contact but kept her hand there a second longer before retracting it back into the pocket of her sweater. He got up from the table and examined the vial. “Where did you get this?” He said, his voice hoarse. He had an idea, but he wanted to make sure.

If he was right, though, that meant that he had singlehandedly introduced her to it. He felt the bile in his stomach rise to his throat.

“I guess I should apologize for that too. I knew it was yours and I had planned on returning it to you, when-”

“When what?” He concentrated on the vile in his hand, feeling like he’d throw up if he looked anywhere else.

No response. Minhyuk inhaled a deep breath. “When what, damnit?”

He took a chance and looked up at her, but she was staring off at something outside.

Minhyuk slowly took his gaze to the right, where the window’s clear, pristine glass reflected her shocked face along with who was outside.

\----------

“You know, do we really have to come this far for our dates Wonnie?”

Hyungwon stared off into the distance, his mind filled with nothing but worry for his best friend. He couldn’t even pretend to be present anymore. Jisoo didn’t seem like herself these days and he was starting to feel an unbearable ache. He missed his best friend.

“Babe?” Hyungwon felt Jihye staring up at him and decided it was better to look alive than tell her what he was thinking. “Huh?” He replied with a tight smile.

She smiled back and continued, as she always did. “I was just saying do we really have to go this much out of our way to go on dates? It’s so far!” She whined into his arm, feigning fatigue.

“I just know a lot of good places around here,” He replied, remembering how he would often visit Jisoo right after she moved. He and Jisoo would run around this town and wreak havoc. It was the next town over from where she currently lived, and they always used that as an excuse. They didn’t live there, so if they got in trouble it didn’t matter.

They really were idiots back then.

"Wait, isn't that Jisoo?" Jihye exclaimed, and Hyungwon felt his heart shoot up into his throat.

“Where?” He said, trying his best to act calm when he was anything but. He was excited. Then he remembered how tired she had seemed and felt a crushing weight come down on him again. It couldn’t possibly be her.

“Over there, across the street at that café,” She pointed towards the glass. He couldn’t really make anything out, but he knew for a fact that Jihye had eagle eyes. “Wanna go look?” She asked but dragged him along before he could say anything.

“Jihye, I really don’t think it’s-” He ran out of breath as they made it to the sidewalk, hands on his knees as Jihye held onto his arm still. “Her,” He exhaled, straightening up.

Wrong.

They had ended up in front of the of the windows and behind the pristine glass staring right back at him, was none other than Jisoo.

Jisoo and her big eyes, staring right back at him. The eyes that he had missed, because it felt like it had been years since he’d last seen her. Since he had talked to her properly, without any interruptions. Just them, being loud and laughing at nothing.

“Let’s go inside!” Jihye declared as Hyungwon drifted his eyes toward the person sitting across from her.

The new kid?

But… She had said that they didn’t know each other. Then, why? Had she lied to him?

As Jihye dragged him through the threshold of the café door, he couldn’t fight off the feeling of unease.

 

_“Turtle, you’ll promise me, right?”_

_“Promise you what?” Hyungwon said, confused but excited nonetheless._

_“That no matter what, we won’t lie to each other. I hate liars,” Jisoo pouted adorably._

_He grinned brightly and pulled her into a half hug, sticking out his pinky, “I, Turtle, will forever promise to tell nothing but the truth to you, Mu.”_

_She giggled with restless excitement, gummy smile on display for his eyes only. “And I, Mu, will forever promise to tell nothing but the truth to you, turtle.”_

_With that, they linked pinky fingers and pressed their thumbs together. Impulsively, he had kissed their thumbs, just as his mother had often done. Jisoo had seemed shocked before she had gone and done the same._

 

Until now, there had only been one lie.

The ignorance of this lie had been bliss.

So, why now?

Why did he feel that lie coming to the surface to swallow everything he had worked so hard for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I'm back @_@  
> I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!   
> Quite a ride to write this, but I loved it. ^_^
> 
> P.S. This story occurs before [Ephemeral Iridescence](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10743249/chapters/23814861) (my wonho story)! :)

**Author's Note:**

> /sweats/ Hello, it's me again with yet another story >.<  
> I just couldn't help myself when the idea popped into my head.  
> This story will include some topics that are close to my heart and I may even include some of my experiences through it.  
> As always, thank you for even taking the time to be interested in my stories. I truly appreciate and love you all!


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